Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
