he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
