my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
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