we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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