My liver just broke up with me...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
True strength comes from lack of pants
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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