dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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