no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
