sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
