Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
