She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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