I have demons in me.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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