I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
