wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we're making bets on your personal life
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
