grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
