his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
