All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
