I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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