would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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