and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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