I need help removing her.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
