o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize