Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
