If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sext me about skeletons
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize