Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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