I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
