just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
