Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
