Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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