if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
