The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
