McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
