You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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