I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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