i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize