I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
