Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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