It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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