my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
