My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
