I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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