I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
