just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
