He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This house was built for laser tag.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
being pregnant is like rehab
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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