Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
