You're completely useless in the revolution.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
