I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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