Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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