this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
