There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
