I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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