She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
