I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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