Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
