it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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