Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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