Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
