I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My cat gives me a boner
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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