I murdered the dance floor call the cops
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize