i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Sober January is a disaster.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
