i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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