whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
