found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
