my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
