Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize