i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
