a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
