the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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