U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
