"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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