You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
