well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
