Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I need moral support for this bender
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
