I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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