"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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