so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
