i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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