Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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