i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
