The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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