Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
