I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
