New invention idea: vibrating tampons
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
