Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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