Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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