U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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