Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
