you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
