she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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