You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
