Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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