My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
