i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
