ya dads aren't the best wingmen
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
