god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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