would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
