3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
