I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
