I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
