I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
