Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I want to be your penis for a week.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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